Snape's Trials and Tribulations
by Loony Loopy Lupin
Summary: Would Snape look better as a blonde? Why does Snape hate Harry so much? Find out the answers to these questions and more!
1. Ch 1

Snape's Trials and Trobulations  
aka Poor Snapey  
  
Harry stood in front of Snape's desk after a long potions class. Wow, Snape hasn't snarled at me for a whole minute. Snape looked up from his beetle soup to see the object of his despise STILL in HIS room. "Well, what are you standing around for Potter?! Class is over! Get out!" Snape snarled. So much for that. What did I ever do to him anyways? I think I'll ask. Yup that's it. I'll just ask. "Umm..how come you hate me Professor?" Harry blurted out.   
  
Snape seemed to ponder over these words for a few moments. "Well your father was mean to me. He was good at Quidditch and with girls. And THEN he stole head boy from me." *SOB*   
  
Harry patted Professor Snape's back lightly. "There, there Professor." After Snape ceased his sobbing, Harry braved another comment. "But Professor, I never did anything to you."   
  
"Why Potter! Your right! Let's be friends!" He smiled and opened up his arms. "Group hug!?" Harry screamed and ran away from the classroom.   
  
Snape sat down shakily. "I just don't understand." He said aloud. "Why do they always run away?" Just then, a small figure popped out form under a desk.   
  
"Professor I couldn't help but hearing and I think I can help you." It was Hermione!   
  
Snape looked sadly at her. "No one can help me. I am a loser!" He sobbed.  
  
"Ahh but I can help. It's your hair!"   
  
Snape touched his greasy black hair lovingly. "It couldn't possibly be my hair!"   
  
Hermione sighed deeply. "Now, how about I just call in my lovely assistant and we'll fix it right up?" Before Snape could respond, Hermione snapped her fingers and in walked Draco. "We have a fashion emergency on our hands here, Draco, hon!"   
  
Draco snapped and Snape was instantly bound and tied to a barber chair. Draco walked around the chair carefully inspecting the victim. "I was thinking blonde." Hermione said thoughtfully. "  
  
Draco nodded emphatically. "Perfect. This retro look has got to go! Black greased hair was so five minutes ago!" Hermione and Draco grabbed a bottle of bleach and some highlighter and set to work. In an hour Hermione twirled the chair and the ropes untied. Snape twirled out of the chair landing on his feet.   
  
"Oh, and one more thing." Draco added, "Put this on!" He threw Snape a black leather jacket. Snape put it on grudgingly.   
  
  
AN: What is up with Draco and Hermione? Has Harry been scarred for life? Will Snape finally get the girl of his dreams? Will Snape and Harry be 'buddies'? For this and much more, REVIEW! This story was inspired off sugar(and the 'Why do you hate me so much' part was partially inspired from Rickmaniac)! God love the stuff! Spoonfuls of sugar to all who review!  
  
BTW: Rickmaniac, sometimes when it is late at night people can forget things, so you don't have to be an ass about it. I meant to put you up some type of credit, but i forgot(so sue me! oh yeah you don't own anything!)... Also that paticular parody is not terribly original I have seen it other places before... but thank you for reminding me and next time don't jump to conclusions!...  
  
Sorry to everyone who just had to suffer through my BTW... hehe! 


	2. Ch. 2

Continue Episode 1  
  
Snape strutted into the Great Hall holding the leather jacket over his shoulder. Hermione and Draco walked in a few feet behind him (rather like body guards). There were a few whistles and scattered applause.  
  
Snape walked right up to the staff table and took Professor Trelawney's hand. He kissed it and said, "Let's do lunch!" He raised his eyes suggestively and she giggled. This was all to much for Minerva; she passed out onto the stone floor.  
  
Hermione walked over to McGonagall and checked her pulse nonchalantly. "Draco, send this one to Madame Pomfrey as well."  
  
Meanwhile, Harry sat eating his soup with shaking hands. Ginny looked at him concernedly.  
  
"Whats up Harry," She asked.  
  
He didn't even turn towards her. He had gone bug-eyed. He muttered, "Snape.blonde .hug..Hermione.Draco." He continued to eat his soup, in this state. When the soup was gone, he continued to direct the spoon towards his mouth.  
  
"I always knew 'e was a bit off," Seamus said, grabbing one of Harry's arms, "Now 'elp me out over 'ere, Dean."  
  
Dean shrugged and grabbed a sandwich. Together Dean and Seamus carried Harry away towards the tower. Luckily, when they thought they couldn't carry Harry any further, Crabbe and Goyle showed up.  
  
"You take 'im. I can't carry 'im no more." Seamus said, dropping Harry at their feet.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle shrugged and carried Harry easily to the nearest empty classroom. They sniggered, intending to stuff Harry into the smallest wastebasket they could find. However, their brilliant plan was spoiled when they walked into the not-so-empty classroom. They were appalled to see that the classroom was occupied by none other than Snape and Trelawney. They were under a desk snogging. Harry shrieked and fell out of Goyle and Crabbe's arms. He lay on the floor convulsing.  
  
Trelawney and Snape untangled themselves from the desk (and each other). Snape stood up to his full height and loomed over them. "Inspecting the quality of these desks. Poor craftsmanship these days." Snaps said.  
  
"Yes, can't be too careful, can we," Trelawney agreed.  
  
Crabbe and Goyle just stood there. Harry stood up, twitching.  
  
Finally Crabbe said, "Gee Professor, I didn't know we had problems with the desks."  
  
"Neither did I." Goyle puzzled.  
  
Harry stopped twitching and sniggered. "That's because we don't; atleast we didn't until after they were all over the desk."  
  
"Did you ever hear the saying 'If three witness a crime, then five shall die.'?" Trelawney asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Actually, no." Harry admitted.  
  
"Oy, that's because she made it up, stupid." Ron said, stepping through the door.  
  
"Ron, where have you been the last two chapters?!" Harry exclaimed.  
  
"That isn't really important, but. Harry duck!!!"  
  
"Ooh where?" Harry asked, spinning around to look for the cute little creature.  
  
He was face to face with Professor Trelawney. She was brandishing her crystal ball, as though she might chuck it at him.  
  
AN: Where WAS Ron the last chapter? Will Trelawney let Harry have it? Was Snape really inspecting the desk? *snigger* Will Harry have a permanent twitch? And did Dean ever finish eating his sandwich?! To find out the answer to these and many other questions, REVIEW and tune in next time. Chugs caffeinated beverage! Cheers! 


End file.
